GOODBYE 2015, HELLO 2016! Welcome to Open Up Your Presence! A sharing and a manifesto if you will! :)

I write this to all of you who are interested, to those of you who have loved, supported me, or followed my many paths over the years, those I have lost and found time and time again, and especially those of you who after reading this wish to join me, or even just hang with me on some of the journey. I write this for those of you right here with me smack in the middle of cocoon ready to emerge into your new found wings. Perhaps the reflections upon my journey might help you along yours because I have been doing alot of reflecting as of late. :)

The moment of revelation came in a Joseph Campbell quote as it stared at me from my soul friend's wall while his home became my refuge amidst a recent crisis.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

So simple but so Wow, how I relate to this and feel like this is exactly what is happening to me. It could just be that I am actually realizing my path is far more simple than I could have ever conceived or even desired at another point in time. And letting go of the former plans of grandeur feels like a death. This is the moment that I feel many people must go through. The point where you accept and embrace who you truly are beyond all the conditioning and hopes of a better laid plan. Letting go of what you think you need and know and surrendering to the highest plan. The point of release of a lifetime of climbing and planning. The acceptance of your own true joy and the commitment to live that at all cost no matter how far that may stray from original intention. Or the moment that you let this revelation go and you choose the best laid plan, the continued path, the formula, the illusion that we are fed from day 1, that life is hard work and that this + this + that is the meaning of success. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with following a formula, simply, is it the formula for you? Is this your meaning of success?

You see according to the formula, I am at a time in my life when every single engine in me “should” be in “go mode," yet I have found myself actually retreating inward. I find myself reviewing and revising what it is that I really want to spend the next 40 years doing and getting really, really clear about it. In all this “trying” to get somewhere I realized I am always where I want to be and with who I want to be with. I am finally beginning to comprehend the meaning that my life really is in the journey. It is only the experiences along the way, it is all it has ever been. There is no destination for me, though I am a wonderful sherpa to the top of other’s mountain peaks. I am finally brave enough to admit that I am not “trying” to get anywhere, no longer “trying” to achieve some great self-sworn destiny. It is only the formula that ever made me care about such things. Truthfully I just want to lead a life that gives me happiness and meaning. And I want to follow that happiness wherever it chooses to lead me. So instead I am just doing my best to surrender and allow the universe to lead me. To trust this process and trust that every step is as it’s meant to be.

This magic, this moment, is what Open Up Your Presence is all about. It is that moment when you leave behind the past and let go of the future and you surrender to the one true and only ever NOW. You give your life up to the higher powers that be, The Universe, Destiny, The Great Creator, Mother Earth, The Divine Spirit, Highest Self, Love, Light, Energy, Quantum Physics, and all the many names of the Great Divine, all the many names of that which holds the mystery. It is when you release control and allow creation to flow through you in each and every breath. It is the moment when you stop driving the car and become the passenger. Do the work and let it lead you to the dream.

To some it may seem like I am frequently changing course or losing focus, but what I am realizing now is that the detours are actually my north star. They are my greatest teachers turned into my greatest tools. My ability to let go of who I was in order to be who I am, is one of my greatest allies. For I am forever changing and growing and this is simply my path. It may not be for everyone but it is true for me. It is who I am here to be so that I may be what other’s need. Ultimately, I am beginning to realize that my greatest offering is in the ability to support others in the pursuit of their dreams. And the only way to do this is to live my dream every moment that I breathe.

It has been a few years of many deaths both literal and metaphorical. A few years of magic and mystery and loss. I have felt closer to elation than ever before while simultaneously feeling the depth of sadness existing on this planet like never before. The best way to describe it is that there is this wave taller than the tallest mountain and I have been riding on the top of that wave for quite some time. I am not in control. I have no idea where I will land at the other side. I sometimes feel paralyzed with fear but mostly I am excited and man when I can just breathe and surrender and open to the view from here, it is humbling and breathtaking and fills my heart with clarity, love, and truth. When I can just breathe I am in awe. When I can just surrender I am totally connected, I am one with everything and all that is and for a moment there is only peace in presence. In that moment I am exactly where I am meant to be. All in all, I have been feeling very connected. But I have also spent much time trying to achieve some other version of society’s dream. I am at that cross road. I am making that choice and I am letting go of the life I planned and choosing the life that brings me joy.

In this revelation of total acceptance and release I see that my personal path is unique to me. No one else’s formula is going to be the answer. Because I am finally honoring what is true for me, and what feels good to me specifically. This life that brings me happiness comes in many places and many forms. I believe that we each really are a unique ray of light here to shine at our own individual magnitude.

And right here and now it is the accepting and understanding that happiness and success for me is only as real as the moment I am in. In the NOW everything is possible. Whatever that may look like at any given point in time. My light does not change based upon my financial status or any list of accolades. My value does not increase or decrease by an audience of one or one thousand and fifty. My past does not control my present. All that is ever real is you right here with me. This is my life. This is my love. This is my work. And it will always be so very many things.

Because happiness for me is simply in this moment here with you and you and he and she. These moments in presence are the greatest I will ever be. The moments of gratitude for the countless gifts being given to me. Happiness is in meditation and breathing in the sun. It’s edible landscaping and sustainability. It’s in permaculture and ceremony. It’s gardening and making magic with a magical friend. It’s knees deep in the dirt talking to butterflies as they fly by, listening to the buzz of the bees and the whisper of the trees. It’s in cooking for my love these gifts from the earth and that beautiful smile that comes from creating a feast. It’s riding the waves of the ocean and the sea that is life. It’s in my online course guiding others to their dreams. It’s being offline most of the time. It’s in those breakthrough moments of energy work connecting one to their divinity. It’s in guiding meditations in the studio of my beautiful friend’s greatest dream. It’s in those breakthrough moments of music and connection recorded with my writing partner right here in my living room. It’s concerts for my kitties. It’s on production jobs working with my dearest friends. It’s in retreats and travel and bringing amazing beings together under one beautiful roof of sky, sharing the tools of a life led in joy and simplicity. It’s supporting another in shining their light. It’s my soul family and kindred friends. What exactly is it that I do? Anything and Everything that offers me beauty and love and light. Anything and Everything that offers a teaching and us both a place to shine.

Perhaps it is this age, partially chemical, partially hormonal, partially astrological, one part spiritual, one part physical, completely and totally existential, or perhaps it is simply the sorting out of tools that I have been given. Perhaps after years of practice there is something finally sinking in. There is finally a peace within that allows me time to process and slow down, to trust my intuition and know when it is time to just breathe and let go of the silly forcing of my will. Maybe just maybe I am beginning to accept the way that I am and the way that I work without comparison to others. Maybe the years of working on de-conditioning, taking radical responsibility for the hard, hard truths, digging through the icky, yucky, ugly cocoon of my own insecurities, self-sabotages, pains and truths have led to the chrysalis and I am ready to break free. Maybe the biggest issue stopping me is and has always been that I simply fear the power and beauty of my own wings. But now finally I am ready for the flight, how about you?

I write this to you as my witness. As my commitment to self, to planet, to people, to you. I hope that you will hold me to it and we will remind one another when feeling down that it’s all really pretty simple. JUST BE. Just breathe. Just close your eyes, connect to your heart and breathe, expand, contract, and shine the light you came here to be. I write this in hopes you will stop today and take a moment of silence and peace to simply dream of your dreams. Not your best laid plans or society’s conditionings of where you "should" go or who you "should" be but instead listen for the song your heart wants to sing. This is the only real way I could possibly explain what it is I do, where I come from, and why.

Open Up Your Presence is all of these things and soooo much more and I am here for you, to share the tools and support you on the journey. To help you dig deep inside finding your own unique beautiful light, encouraging you to Open Up Your Presence and all the gifts just waiting for you to shine. I await your invitation to join you in the flight. I am here whenever you are ready to explore. For now I have created this website as a space to share my many dreams and offerings. A work in progress. Dive in and out and come and go as you please.

Wishing you love, light and a journey filled with magic and presence!
Love
c